Teens: On How To Deal With Bullies



A Note From The L.A. Teen Therapist and Life Coach

Click on the arrow above to watch the video. Read on to learn about dealing with bullies. – Sandra

“I’m being bullied at my school but am too afraid to tell a teacher or friend for fear it might make it worse. What can I do to make them stop?”

There is a very old saying that goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Of course words can hurt your feelings! But what this means is you have a choice over how you think about the words said about you.

The purpose of someone saying mean things to you is to upset you. My question to you is do you think what they are saying about you is true? If not, then make believe you don’t hear them and just walk away.

If the insult is about something true, try finding humor in it. Nobody is perfect, and we all have our little imperfections and faults. One way to get around the challenge of mean words is to turn them into a joke. “Hah, hah, very funny.”

Unfortunately, name calling is a very normal experience in childhood, which can continue into adulthood. Therefore, it is extremely helpful to develop a good sense of humor and be able to laugh about yourself.

The best way to make a bully stop teasing you is to not give the name-caller the satisfaction of seeing you upset. By taking away their sense of power over you, the game stops being fun for them.

Just know that the teasing may not go away immediately, as the bullies will continue test you to see if they can still make you react. The key to your success is to be totally consistent in how you respond.

*Note: If your teen is being bullied, I can help to empower them and turn the situation around. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Finding Solutions To “Best Friend” Troubles

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Q: I’ve been having been fighting a lot with my best friend recently, and am not sure if this relationship can be salvaged. Any suggestions?

A: I imagine that you have invested a lot into your relationship with your best friend, and would be sorry to lose it. At the same time, people change during high school, therefore it’s important to reevaluate your relationship, and your participation in your relationship, from time to time. The following questions can help you reflect upon whether your relationship can be healed, and how to go about doing so:

1. Do you truly like this girl?
2. Do you believe she truly cares about you?
3. List 3 major things that you believe would improve your relationship.
4. Would you be willing to calmly and non-judgment ally communicate this information to her?
5. How do you imagine she would respond to a calm and non-judgmental discussion about your friendship?
6. Is there anything you would be willing to offer to do differently on your end to help your relationship further grow and evolve?
7. Are you truly able to see and accept her for who she is?
8. Are the things you want to change in her perhaps a part of what makes her who she is?
9. Are you willing to negotiate and find a middle ground in your differing opinions about your relationship, or would you rather be right about her not living up to your expectations?
10. Are you taking her needs into consideration as well as your own, when you think about your frustrations with her?
11. Why do you imagine she acts the way that she does? What purpose does it serve for her?
12. Is fighting with her the most effective way to encourage her to be the friend that you want her to be?
13. Are you perhaps asking more of her than she is able to give?
14. Are you perhaps looking to her to fulfill needs that might be better fulfilled by your family, a boyfriend or your therapist?
15. What would need to change for you to want to continue this relationship?

Sometimes, talking to a trusted adult, like a parent, teacher, aunt or therapist, can help you gain a different perspective and find your way through troubling experiences – like these.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Get Teen Boys To Treat You With Respect

A Note From the L.A. Teen Therapist & Life Coach

Teen girls need to decide what types of behavior they are willing to tolerate from teen boys.  – Sandra

I know that it can be aggravating when guy friends tease you, but did you know that teasing is a very common form of play among guys? If you observe groups of guys who are friends, whether they be young or old, you will often hear them teasing each other. The fact that they are teasing you probably means that they like you.

At a certain age, being treated with respect becomes very important to a girl. Adolescence is a time when girls and guys start practicing more grown up behavior. During this time, however, girls tend to mature a faster than their male friends. Thus, they may still treat you like one of the guys, instead of the way you would prefer.

If the teasing is getting to be too much for you, you may want to consider setting boundaries. This means that you politely excuse yourself from situations where you don’t feel comfortable. Essentially, you are giving them a clear message that their behavior is not okay with you.

Only you can decide what types of behavior you are willing to tolerate. The good new is that as guys get older, you will discover that your male friends will put more effort into trying to please you. The key is to communicate your feelings in a polite and open manner.

Girls and guys often see the world differently. It is important to remember that during adolescence, you are learning about each other through your interactions. Patience, kindness, and forgiveness go a long way towards building a bridge between you. At the same time, you have a right to decide how you want to be treated, and its up to you to choose your friends wisely.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Teens Making A Difference in the World

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What changes would your teen like to see in the world? What are their plans to to contribute to those changes? – Sandra

In the movie “Avatar” the natives of a garden planet greeted each other with the words “I see you.” It was the deepest form of respect that one person could show another. What they were saying is that I see you for who you really are. How often does your teen feel seen in this way?

It seems to me that each teen has something unique to share with the world. For those who are artists, are you helping them find ways to honor their gift of creative expression? Perhaps their music or writing will help someone along their journey.

Not everyone is meant to be a performer or artist. Sometimes, being a good listener, or lending a helping hand can make all the difference in someone’s life. Volunteering to assist others less fortunate is one of the most generous things teens can do with their spare time.

We are all interdependent upon each other. Someone else grows our food, makes our clothes, and builds our homes and schools. The teen years are a time when adolescents are old enough to start reflecting on how they would like to contribute in the world.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Help Your Teen Find Their Tribe

A Note From the L.A. Teen Therapist & Life Coach

There is a group of people out there who will accept and appreciate your teen for exactly who you are, and with whom they can fully be themselves.  –  Sandra

From television viewing, to Internet surfing, to text messaging – teens are spending more time with their phones and computers than with their friends and families. I sit with teenagers every day in my Teen Therapy practice who express how their life feels empty. Apparently, the accumulation of names on a Facebook page do not erase feelings of loneliness.

While technology allows us to stay in touch with many people, time spent commenting through email, text and social networking pages literally translates into less time sitting across from a friend. Is the Internet providing more of an illusion of connection than there actually is?

Teens who are at high risk of becoming addicted to drugs often show a lack of deep connection to the people in their current lives. Self-medication, through substance abuse, is often an attempt by teens to regulate or avoid feelings of loneliness.

The solution to loneliness lies in helping your teen to find their tribe. To create heartfelt relationships, your teen must first learn to know and accept themselves, including all of their quirks, flaws and idiosyncrasies. For only in accepting themselves can they truly make the space to authentically connect with another person.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Improving Teen’s Self-Esteem

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A Note From the L.A. Teen Therapist & Life Coach

Having healthy levels of self-esteem means teens do not need to determine their self-worth by looking to others for validation. – Samdra

Ideally, a teen’s self-worth should be determined by how well they live up to their desired self-image, which hopefully aligns with their beliefs and vision for their life.

    • Does your teen dress to impress?
    • Does he or she pretend to be someone that they are not?
    • Does your teen say things that don’t represent how they really feel?

Where we are born, and where we go to school does not necessarily determine who we are meant to be. We come into this world with unique gifts and talents. We have our own physical expression, as well as our own personality and style. Add to that your life experiences, and areas of interest, and we become an individual like no other.

High school is a phase of life when teens will feel pulled to fit in with the crowd. Yet, by doing this, are they being true to themselves?  The teen years are a time to start thinking where your son or daughter would like to go with their life. By trying on many types of different behavior, they are discovering their authentic expression.

Are they the athletic type? Are they the scholar? Are they an entertainer, or an artist? Are they the peace-maker? These are questions only they can answer for themselves. For some, this may mean raising a family–in a home filled with love. For others, this may mean becoming an educator with a focus on changing the world.

Anything is possible, but first, your teen must get to know themselves, and then find the courage to be themselves in all their magnificence.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Teens: Making New Friends In High School

A Note From the L.A. Teen Therapist & Life Coach

It can be difficult getting started at a new school. The key to making new friends is to be courageous and take steps every day towards your goal. – Sandra

“I am starting high school this month and I need some suggestions on how to make at least one new friend.

NOTICE WHO LOOKS INTERESTING
Start by noticing who in your class looks interesting to you. Pay attention to what you like about them. Try to notice who has friendly eyes, a kind smile, and is generous to others. Pick out at least 5 people who you think might make a good friend.

SEE WHO RESPONDS
Try saying hello to them every day for a week and see how they respond. What you are doing is showing them that you are interested in getting to know them. How they respond back to you will let you know who might be interested in getting to know you.

Once you have gotten a pleasant response from someone to your saying hello, you can approach that person and find out more about them. Begin by introducing yourself and saying where you moved from, and asking them a question.

STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION
The question can be about anything, but ideally, you want to find out what they do in their spare time. The secret to success is to find someone who you can have a fun conversation with. You do not have to settle for someone who just doesn’t seem that interested in you.

NOT EVERYONE IS A MATCH FOR YOU
Good friendships are often based on shared interests, meaning that you like to do similar things that they like to do. It’s okay if not everyone is a match for you. Don’t worry about it. Just move on and keep trying.

Like you said, one good friend is what you would like… and if you find even more than that, that’s a great too.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Teens: Coping With Death

When a beloved family member dies, it can feel like the world is so unfair, and that you will never smile again. Saying goodbye to someone you love, and who has loved you, is a bittersweet process.  – Sandra

“My grandmother just died, and l loved her so much. I used to be the guy people always said smiled too much, but now that she’s gone I just feel bitter and cold.”

SAYING GOODBYE
The sadness that you feel is for the loss of someone who has brought delight to your life. The thought of not seeing or speaking with her again just plain hurts. It’s very normal to feel bitter, even angry, and those feelings can continue for some time…

There is now an empty place that she filled in your life, which may leave you feeling less than enthused about other things you are involved in. You may also find that your feelings come in waves. Sometimes, it may feel like you are drowning in them. Other times they may recede and just leave you feeling empty.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
It is important to rest during this time and take good care of yourself. Be sure to eat regular meals. Confide in someone you trust. This could be a good time to start a journal, if you don’t already have one.

Feelings carry information for us. Even the darker feelings. So it is important to not run from your feelings, but to observe them, and learn from them. Your feelings about your grandmother’s death may be telling you about how much she meant to you.

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO GRIEVE
You have just learned a very hard lesson about life, which is that nothing lasts forever. Humans, and all things, have a limited life span. This isn’t something to be afraid of, but it can be very hard to digest.

This is why it is so important to be grateful for the people we love, and tell them so. Give yourself permission to grieve. It does not mean that you will never smile again.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

Academic Success Coaching for Teens

Academic Success Coaching:

A Personalized Coaching Experience: Helping Teens Thrive in School

We teach your teen how to take active steps towards their academic and personal goals, sustain motivation, build their character, and develop their personal leadership style.

Module 1: Understanding Your Learning Style

Three 75-minute sessions plus one 30-minute parent phone consultation

Description: In this module, the focus is on providing a foundation for creating a sustainable system for teens to get the grades they want without stressing out. They will discover their learning and academic thinking styles as well as their core motivation type. They will spend time reflecting on what they really want and identify how they might be getting in their own way. They will also learn how to create systems to make their lives easier and identify things to do differently to make a positive difference. 

Module 2: Aligning Your Values with Action

Three 75-minute sessions plus one 30-minute parent phone consultation

Description: In this module, the focus is on increasing self-awareness and building continuity and flow between your teen’s thoughts, emotions, and habits. We will cover concepts such as their limiting beliefs, assumptions, perspectives, and individual values, as well as how to make empowering decisions to honor their values. They will also have the opportunity to “meet” their Future Self and start creating action steps to work toward the vision of the life they want with confidence and increased motivation.

Module 3: Discovering Your Leadership Style  

Four 75-minute sessions plus one 45-minute parent phone consultation

Description: In this module, the focus will be on personal leadership, which can translate into creating an outstanding college application. Leadership is not just about holding a “leadership position.”  Leadership is about doing what you believe in, doing it well, and doing it for a cause greater than yourself. We assist your teen in creating a vision: of what is possible, what they want to create, and the impact that they want to have on their community. Concepts covered include identifying their passions, empathy, leadership projects, and mission statements. It’s about helping teens link their educational experience with a sense of purpose, passion, and fulfillment. At the completion of this module, clients will be able to readily answer the question “What is all my hard work for?”

**NOTE: Individual modules can be purchased separately, or in any combination, with 10-week Academic Success Coaching Packages offered at a 20% discount.

Please contact us for prices and scheduling.

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Worried About Your Teen? FREE Initial Consultation.

ADOLESCENT THERAPIST | PARENT COACH | TEEN MENTOR

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Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.

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Should You Tell A Guy You Like Him?

A Note From The Los Angeles Teen Therapist

It is very important that you take care of your feelings and make good choices when it comes to interacting with boys. Boys usually start getting interested in girls around middle school, and if a guy likes you, he is probably going to show it. -Sandra

“I  sort of like this guy in my class, only he doesn’t know it. What should I do? Should I say something to this  guy?”

LOOK FOR SIGNS
To know if a guy likes you, you want to look for signs like whether he teases you (nicely) or makes a point of paying attention to you. Since girls act more mature than guys at this age, don’t be surprised when a guy gets uncomfortable if he finds out that you like him. He is worried about what his buddies think of him.

HANGING OUT IN GROUPS
A lot of kids prefer to hang out in groups. This allows you to be around the people you like without the pressure of feeling awkward. Middle School is a great time to become friends with guys and learn who you feel comfortable around. Do you like to be with guys who are funny? How about smart? Does it matter if he is drop dead gorgeous, if he is not a kind person?

DON’T BE IN A RUSH
Don’t be in a rush to find someone just because some of your friends may have declared they have a “boyfriend”. If the guy you like does not show interest in you, move on. Not everyone is going to appreciate your charm and beauty.

JUST ACT NORMAL
If you like a guy, just act normal. Smile and say hi when you see him. If he stops and asks you a question, be friendly and start a conversation. Find out about his hobbies, or what he likes to do on his weekends. Get to know him as a person.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEELINGS
What you really want to know is whether he is the kind of guy who enjoys your company and treats you with respect. Remember, take good care of your feelings by choosing to hang around guys you consider to be true friends.

Worried About Your Teen? FREE Parent Consultation

For more information, please visit my website:

SandraDupont.com

verified by Psychology Today

Adolescent Therapist|Parent Coach|Teen Mentor

Providing service for: Los Angeles, Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Beverly Hills, Beverly Glen, Culver City, Brentwood, Westwood, Marina Del Rey, Mar Vista, Encino, Sherman Oaks, Topanga Beach and Topanga Canyon, Ocean Park, Hancock Park, West Hollywood.