Your teen is in the process of learning how to tolerate and digest their uncomfortable feelings, so be sure to give them the space to do this. – Sandra
Sometimes parents need to act as their teen’s surrogate frontal lobe by helping them name their feelings, explore options, and figure out if solutions agreed upon take both party’s needs into consideration. For a teen to be able to participate successfully in conflict-resolution discussions with you, they must first:
- Be able to identify and articulate their concerns.
- Be able to consider a range of possible solutions.
- Be able to reflect on the likely outcome of those solutions, as well as the degree to which they are mutually satisfactory.
How can you help your teen gain the skills of flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance and conflict resolution? By involving them in the decision-making process in a collaborative way. Explosive behavior occurs in teens when the demands of the environment exceed their capacity to respond adaptively.
Here is a list of video tutorials explaining Collaborative Problem Solving, a new approach to working with challenging behavior in teens.
1. Kids Do Well if They Can — The most important premise of Collaborative Problem Solving is the belief that if kids could behave better they would.
2. What’s Your Explanation? — Your explanation for your teen’s explosive behavior has major implications for how you respond and whether you’ll try to help.
3. Three Options for Solving Problems — There are three ways in which adults try to solve problems with reactive kids: Plan A (which is unilateral problem solving), Plan C (dropping the problem completely), and Plan B.
4. Collaborative Problem solving aka Plan B — Tips on identifying the unresolved problems that are precipitating challenging episodes, and how to implement Plan B.
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